So I haven’t written in awhile and a lot has changed. I am unsure if it’s a positive thing or not. It seems to be that I hold a not a very caring attitude right now. My friends have noticed a change… I am concentrating on Uni work as a distraction. I knew that if I continued on the path I was going I would burn out. I don’t want to appear fickle to my friends by “moving on”. It’s all a surface thing. I am still hurt a lot of the time though it’s more numb now. That’s what this must be… In the most undramatic way, things got so bad I can’t really feel anymore. Here’s what did it: actions speak louder than words. And the man in question “Mr let’s be friends” has- more than once when I have left my safe, secure comfort zone of my friends and my “territory” to demonstrate how much of a SHIT i give about him- he has *shown* me that he just does not. And you would think, you would THINK that after everything, the memories, milestones and history that even if there was nothing there that you would still consider that person on your care factor. You just would, wouldn’t you? And I don’t- for the fucking life of me- understand HOW I can attract these other guys so easily after little to absolutely nooo effort on my part. And dear fuckwit can sit on his high horse and not.. Want me. What the FUCK? So that’s me on the 6th April, 3 months post-realisation. Numb from pain and clearly not caring…..! Hey, truthfully, I care a lot less than at the start. Mayday?