I don’t know how to explain this feeling I just know that it is so powerful that I have to write it so I can look back and never forget. I want so badly to practice what I have been reading, to not catastrophise things, to pretend a friend was in your situation and you had to talk them down. But I can’t. All that’s going through my head is why didn’t you just tell me to fuck off? Why play the friends card to me and treat me like a piece of shit? Besides EVERYTHING I have known you for almost 8 years now and this is not how you treat a FRIEND by not talking to me, by saying ur not interested in anyone then pull this bs. U dont talk to my friend on the phone and know I am with her and say nothing, not even hello. What is this just rudeness now is that where we’re at? I am so upset omg!!! WTF! Why didn’t you just tell me to fuck the hell away cos I am basically going through the same thing this way anyway.. U might as well have. Took the easy way out, there u go u didn’t have to shut me down and look like a prick, what a hero. Don’t make me think like this, stop your bullshit hesitation otherwise thoughts like this will override this entire situation. I see bullshit things like certain numbers or times when I look at the clock and it’s weird- I take it as fucking SIGNS that someone is helping me out, someone is with me, watching over and looking after me. I don’t want to turn into a bitter, angry person who thinks all that is a load of shit. I want to tell you to fuck off and I don’t want to caaare. Right now I am so lost, confused, tired of feeling so high and so, so low 10 times a day. I would really appreciate a break. I’m not even rereading this. Queen proofread is not even checking, THAT alone should provide a clear indicator of the severity!