It’s fucking contradicting isn’t it? I love you and want to be with you so much that I am going to sit here and do nothing. How wonderful. It is human to want to be in control of your life, your job, everything because when you’re not it just feels like a mess. You said don’t try. You said don’t push it. Then you said you want to be my “friend”. What is that crazy talk?  So I send you a casual-whatever-relaxed-text-with an open ended offer to feel free to come over and hang out whenever and I wait for your reply which comes exactly one week later. And I respect your “don’t push it” rule and WAIT patiently and go against my instincts to message you during that WEEK with pointless dribble to prove that I exist still… Then I go online every night just to see you online and watch your green available light fade to white as you go idle, then green again, then wait for you to talk to me because you told me not to try hard… Then you go offline. Every night. A week of this and I gather the courage to just say hello- where is the harm in that? We are “friends” right? 51 minutes later when I know you have been “green” that entire time, you reply. So this is my life- waiting a week (and an hour) for replies, not pushing you, being your friend that doesn’t try too hard because you want your space and love your freedom and I am respecting that. Because I love you THAT much.