Ask me anything http://formspring.me/ktz87

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/ktz87

Nup you know what? Fuck all guys. And not literally at all!!! WHAT IS THE FUCKING MATTER WITH ALL OF THEM? Why do they cheat on pretty girls? Why don’t they see how lucky they are? And if we are on the why page… Why don’t they message back either? It is really just not that hard. And the ones you want to fuck off keep messaging. Fucking HELL!!!!! I just want one person to message right now and say yes. That’s it. Right now. Just do it. Maybe I should say I don’t want it…

Falling hard.

So I haven’t written in awhile and a lot has changed. I am unsure if it’s a positive thing or not. It seems to be that I hold a not a very caring attitude right now. My friends have noticed a change… I am concentrating on Uni work as a distraction. I knew that if I continued on the path I was going I would burn out. I don’t want to appear fickle to my friends by “moving on”. It’s all a surface thing. I am still hurt a lot of the time though it’s more numb now. That’s what this must be… In the most undramatic way, things got so bad I can’t really feel anymore. Here’s what did it: actions speak louder than words. And the man in question “Mr let’s be friends” has- more than once when I have left my safe, secure comfort zone of my friends and my “territory” to demonstrate how much of a SHIT i give about him- he has *shown* me that he just does not. And you would think, you would THINK that after everything, the memories, milestones and history that even if there was nothing there that you would still consider that person on your care factor. You just would, wouldn’t you? And I don’t- for the fucking life of me- understand HOW I can attract these other guys so easily after little to absolutely nooo effort on my part. And dear fuckwit can sit on his high horse and not.. Want me. What the FUCK? So that’s me on the 6th April, 3 months post-realisation. Numb from pain and clearly not caring…..! Hey, truthfully, I care a lot less than at the start. Mayday?  

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I’ve tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don’t see
But it’s one missed step
You’ll slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemed

Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…

Spend all you time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

The Fool comes to a cross-road, filled with energy, confidence and purpose, knowing exactly where he wants to go and what he wants to do. But he comes to a dead stop. A flowering tree marks the path he wants to take, the one he’s been planning on taking. But standing before a fruit tree marking the other path is a woman. She is different. Seeing her, he feels as though he’s just been shot in the heart with cupid’s arrow, so shocking, so painful is his “recognition” of her. As he speaks with her, the feeling intensifies; like finding a missing part of himself, a part he’s been searching for his life long. It is clear that she feels the same about him. They finish each others sentences, think the same thoughts. It is as if an Angel above had introduced their souls to each other. Though it was his plan to follow the path of the flowering tree, and though it will cause some trouble for him to bring this woman with him, to go somewhere else entirely, the Fool knows he dare not leave her behind. Like the fruit tree, she will fulfill him. No matter how divergent from his original intent, she is his future. He chooses her, and together they head down a whole new road.
LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can’t understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. Finding someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. They will know instinctively that they must have this, even if it means diverging from their chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it they will never be complete.
Trust your instincts, to choose this person you’re so strongly drawn to, no matter how scary, how difficult, irrational or troublesome - without it, you will never be wholly you. It’s sudden and unexpected and it means a compete change in plans; but this is LOVE. True love. Go for it!

This is officially a cruel joke. Let’s see how much we can throw at her before she finally can no longer stand. JUST when you think you’re at your very lowest, something you never imagined possible happens. And you’re lower than the lowest of lows and scared to breathe because what else could happen? I don’t want to burn out I am too good for that shit, how much of a waste would it be. I’ll fly again, if not today…

What the hell else can you throw at me? Let’s go back to that time when you I was 14. And that young boy didn’t come into my life. What was it all for if it was only going to turn into this?

Stupid girl, why would you RSVP yes, why would you tell them his name so they would make a name tag? Stupid, stupid girl why would you tell your friends he would come? Did you think that this positivity would make it seem more real did you? Here’s some advice next time you try anything fucked like that again- don’t.  Because you know what? He was out at dinner and had forgotten to give you the common courtesy of letting you know. And don’t try and make excuses now like how your room wasn’t clean anyway or there are other people who could go with you… He isn’t coming. Was he ever? Doesn’t fucking matter now. Icing on the cake will be sitting there without him tomorrow with a spot beside you with his name on it, literally.